tridd forums

In case anyone ever get tired of my preaching that it's important for us to form a strong gay & lesbian community, here's some news that may surprise you:

Being part of a community can help you live longer!

I'd like to thank Tam, who provided the following research, on the importance of friends:
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Would Your Friends Pass the Friendship Test?

Mamta Gautam, MD
University of Ottawa

If you have good friendships, chances are you will be healthier. A significant body of scientific research supports the health benefits of friendships.

For example...

People who have a supportive network of family and friends have less incidence of cardiac disease, as well as lower blood pressure and heart rate, according to studies conducted at the University of Chicago and the University of California at Irvine,

Social ties are even associated with a lower likelihood of premature death, based on the findings of a Yale University researcher who followed the death rate of 10,000 older adults over a five-year period. This could be because people who have social ties typically feel supported, cared for and valued. They tend to believe that their lives have more meaning~ and choose to make the effort to remain healthy.

Friends also help us cope. A landmark study at the University of California at Los Angeles showed that women respond to stress by “tending and befriending.” When females experience stress, a cascade of chemicals is released within their bodies, including the hormones oxytocin and estrogen -- both of which compel women to bond. The increased oxytocin level suppresses the hormone cortisol, resulting in lower levels of anxiety and a sense of calm.

Friendships between women usually are based on a feeling of emotional closeness and attachment. Most women welcome the opportunity to share feelings, thoughts and experiences -- and devote a great deal of time and energy to such relationships.

Friendships between men are typically quite different. A great deal of research on male friendship focuses on what are known as “activity friends” -- those with whom men play sports, watch television or have a drink.., “convenience friends” with whom favors can be exchanged.. and “mentor friends” in which one man who has more experience and skills helps out another, In general, men’s friendships focus less on communication and more on activities and companionship.

Being friends during good times is easy. What happens when there is a falling out? While it can be hard to express negative feelings of hurt or disappointment, that is exactly what we need to do. At times, we allow a friend to drift away rather than risk experiencing any conflict. A good friendship is worth the energy and risk. It takes faith to realize that a conflict is not going to break a friendship, and may actually strengthen it.

What makes a good friend?

Relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Panott of the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University have created a list of traits to look for in enduring friendships,

A good friend is someone who.

1. Makes time. Whether you're in the midst of a crisis or slogging through the mundane, a friend will have time for you.

2. Keeps a secret. Trust allows you to feel emotionally safe, share feelings and explore and understand what may be bothering you.

3. Cares deeply. The ability to enter your world and feel your pain is a cornerstone of friendship.

4. Provides space. Friends will give you time alone and are there when you need them.

5. Speaks the truth. This person asks the questions you want to ignore and helps you face reality.

6. Forgives faults. Everyone has faults. A friend knows you and likes you anyway!

7. Remains faithful. You will not be deserted during bad times~

8. Laughs easily. We all enjoy the company of people who share our sense of humor.

9. Celebrates your success. Ideally, there's no jealousy, resentment or destructive competition between friends,

10. Connects strongly. Whether it’s bridge, books or real estate, friends share common interests.

Ifs more productive to work on being a good friend, rather than to look for a good friend. Legendary self~ improvement expert Dale Carnegie advised that people can make more friends in two months by simply becoming interested in other people than they can make in two years by trying to get people interested in them.

To he a good friend: Think of someone who means a lot to you, arid show that person you care by contacting him/her, Schedule regular activities together, such as golf games, bike rides or lunch. If the person does not live close by, plan to meet soon, and stay connected via regular phone calls or emails.

Once you initiate contact, use the “Tarzan Rule” --just as Tarzan never lets go of one vine unless he's got another one at hand, do not end a contact with your friend without booking one more. Your friends may very well help keep you healthy -- even keep you alive.

For anyone who's interested in further reading on the relationship between health & community, here's another article:
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Loneliness is a Molecule

It’s already known that a person’s social environment can affect their health, with those who are socially isolated—that is, lonely—suffering from higher mortality than people who are not. Now, in the first study of its kind, published in a recent issue of Genome Biology, University of California, Los Angeles, (UCLA) researchers have identified a distinct pattern of gene expression in immune cells from people who experience chronically high levels of loneliness. The findings suggest that feelings of social isolation are linked to alterations in the activity of genes that drive inflammation, the first response of the immune system. The study provides a molecular framework for understanding why social factors are linked to an increased risk of heart disease, viral infections and cancer.

Having previously established that lonely people suffer from higher mortality than people who are not, researchers are now trying to determine whether that risk is a result of reduced social resources, such as physical or economic assistance, or from the biological impact of social isolation on the function of the human body. “What this study shows is that the biological impact of social isolation reaches down into some of our most basic internal processes the activity of our genes,” says Steve Cole, an associate professor of medicine in the division of Hematology-Oncology at the David Geffen School of Medicine, and a member of the UCLA Cousins Center for Psychoneuroimmunology.

“We found that changes in immune cell gene expression were specifically linked to the subjective experience of social distance,” says Cole. "The differences we observed were independent of other known risk factors, such as health status, age, weight, and medication use. The changes were even independent of the objective size of a person’s social network.” Genes overexpressed in lonely individuals included many involved in immune system activation and inflammation But interestingly, several other key gene sets were underexpressed, including those involved in antiviral responses and antibody production. “These findings provide molecular targets for our efforts to block the adverse health effects of social isolation,” says Cole.

“We found that what counts at the level of gene expression is not how many people you know, it’s how many you feel really close to over time.” ln the future, he says, the transcriptional fingerprint they’ve identified might become useful as a ‘biomarker’ to monitor interventions designed to reduce the impact of loneliness on health.

— Source: University of California, Los Angeles, Health Sciences

Finally, here's a "Thought for the Day," also found by Tam, that brings all of the above home to the gay & lesbian community....
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Thought for the day:

“We ought to think that we are one of the leaves of a tree, and the tree is all humanity. We cannot live without the others, without the tree.”
— musician/conductor/composer Pablo Casals

BUILDING A COMMUNITY

Throughout history, individuals have chosen to live in communities so they could structure their lives according to their beliefs with other like-minded individuals. From St. Francis of Assisi and religious communities of the Middle Ages, to the Puritan and Quaker settlements; from communes of the 1960s to gay-sensitive communities in San Francisco, Fire Island, Provincetown, and Key West; to New Age ventures and group collectives that follow a particular religious or political leader; and to retirement and “snowbird” communities, such separatism encourages people to believe that they’re better off living with others who share their same philosophies or lifestyles.

Yet harmony with humanity means being able to be a separate individual as well as someone who can connect with the diversity of many. It’s easy to cooperate, to resolve conflicts, and to interact in peaceful harmony when you’re linked with others who think, feel, and act in similar ways. It becomes harder when you’re divided by who each of you is individually and by each set of wants and needs.

You can create a community rich with diversity by thinking of friends, family members, and others you’d like in your community as different trees in a forest. You each have your own set of needs, different ways of growing, and varied appearances, yet you all can live in harmony, and nourish and nurture one another despite these differences. Draw together those with whom you share a common bond and with those whose differences can teach you something about them, about yourself, and about the world.

Affirmation:
I BUILD A COMMUNITY FOR COMFORT AS WELL AS FOR LEARNING.

Tam is the bomb! Good advise that I need to follow....talk about no social life, that is me. Do dogs count as being social? If so then I should live forever... .....if not, then I'm a gonner!!!!