tridd forums

In all fairness to the article, Steve, they did state this study was done with 373 out-pt. AIDS patients (psyc clinic) and some demographics were studied also. However, this is just a minute fraction of the total population of HIV victims. For the study to bear any credence the study group would have to be much much larger. Peace and Love --Jeanne

Steve, there is no arguement here. I have said it repeatedly, but I will say it again here: I am not indicting you for your decision. I respect your decision and understand, now more than ever, why you feel the way you do.

Troy and JEANNE and Ox and texpaperboy and everyone,
That is what these forums are all about, right? No offense taken and we are all entitled to our opinions and I am just glad to have a place for debate and open dialog. I love it.
Peace and Love and freedom for all,
Steve

Yes, Steve--these forums are to express yourself and vent and inform and enjoy--they can be very therapeutic for all. You just have to remember that everyone has their own point of view and belief system in play. We all just need to respect the place where all are coming from--sometimes it seems we may not understand it, or agree with it, but it is out there to entertain. Not all circumstances are the same--what is good for one will not seem feasible to another. I wish we lived in a more tolerant and accepting, loving place--hopefully we will all live to see it come to be.--Peace and love--Jeanne

JEANNE wrote:There are many, many factors that go into determining what affects T-cell count--disclosure to a potentially supportive family unit would be great--but non-disclosure to an unsupportive/neutral family would be a wise decision also. With a family like Steve's--it could create more problems and stress for him (as it already has).

I'm now convinced that this is where having a "family of choice" can provide the outlet we sometimes need and often crave. Whether it be to express the most intimate of feelings [perhaps through poetry?] or a place to share unhappy news about one's health, it must ultimately be those who you feel connected to (mutually or not) who fit the profile of someone who should know what's going on with you. I've had friends tell me that their families of choice have meant more to them than their biological ones ever have or possibly could. I know I was listening when I was told this and it must have meant something to me or at least made some sense because I retained it. I do not, however, think that it actually completely clicked until about 5 minutes ago. My point here (I believe) is that it may be more difficult for some of us to completely grasp the significance of this due to our own perspectives and that it is obviously very powerful. I now see that Steve really *is* out as HIV+, just to those whom he knows he can be, which in a nutshell was essentially the same thing I did, mine just happened to be blood relatives. What works, works.

It is a shame that his mom is the way she is, but he seems to have made at least some peace with that fact by realizing that not only is she not going to change, but that he doesn't expect her to and that it would be counterproductive for all concerned if he pursued to disclose his HIV status to her. It does make me feel better to see that he has done what he knows he can, whether it be his contact with other blood family or those who he considers a family of friends. As long as he has someone. I believe he has his own family and that seems to give him what he truly needs, despite our constant rephrasing and prodding, mine included. I still urge full disclosure when possible, but I'm beginning to see just how different the situation can be from my own and others.

My, how things can change depending on the approach by which you look at them. I'm seeing that right here for myself. I'd like to think that something could be said to make a lightbulb come on in Steve's mom's head, but unfortunately, we do not live in a perfect world. Bravo to Steve for his willingness to endure this thread and share his experience. Thank you as well for your persistance to make us understand. I think I finally get it. I know for sure that I've grown as a person just from reading all the comments and trying to internalize them to get a better understanding of Steve's situation. Until now, it was just all of us saying the same things back and forth, over and over. Through the gentle reiteration from ALL of us, things eventually came into a better light for me.

An enlightened Ox

An enlightened Ox....that's a good one! , thanks.
I am glad this thread was so beneficial to you and me and everyone who reads it. Sometimes the process can be painful but the result supreme! I enjoyed the process immensely. Kudos to Troy and JEANNE and The Ox man....I enjoyed this. I feel rejuvenated and refreshed for some odd reason. It's like therapy. A new slant, a different angle, a new point of view. Refreshing. And this is how it's done. Far Out!

It would be hard to read & understand all this and not believe in magic!

Much love, Troy

So true....magic...thats a good word for it....love is awesome.

Oh man! What a topic and study.
I have to say that I have always felt that the more people who new about my situation the more support I would have. I was right! No matter what the situation is if you tell people the support system falls into place almost immediately. Those who want nothing to do with you simple go away and that is OK. The important factor here is that someone stayed. In the 80's in the beginning of my 10 years of AIDS volunteer work the stories were devastating. In LA so many men were denied support by close family and even "lovers" (as we called them then) left them to fend for themselves only to find out later that they too would soon be abandoned . That is what started the Buddy Program in which I worked. During those days telling someone was a major contribution to the devastation of many lives psychologically and physically. Then out of nowhere came a "Buddy" who brought more friends to the abandoned lives. So many men died during my career, but so many also survived because they reached out into program where you told people what you had. Men died because of abandonment, despair, and isolation in those days. We also had the factor that the medications were killing off more AIDS patients then AIDS itself. So with the lack of human compassion and the deadly uncertainty of medications, death seemed inevitable at the time. As the virus spread so did the population of supporters. I have to say though that my support then was very small, but it was there because I told someone and I am still alive after 27 years of telling people and accepting myself as I am. (well except for being husband less) Where I now stand (2007) I have overwhelming fears of the wrong people finding out as Texas is not at all like California where the HIV community is known to exist. Living here in Texas I feel I am forced back into my HIV closet and can only allow a few good people in at a time. Diabetics or those with cancer do not have that fear do they? Hmmm. So there is controversy over coming out or not coming out in this area. I think that disclosure is a benefit, but unfortunately where you are is a deciding factor. I can only reiterate that for me telling as many people as I could screened out the bad and attracted the good as I walk, no leap into 28 years of my disease with my "Never Stop Laughing" attitude. Are y'all bored yet by my drama?

You are an amazing man. 27 years! That is so great and such a wonderful gift. In San Francisco I would have been hugged and kissed and embraced and loved no mater. Not so here. Unfortunately. And as far as my mother knowing, she would tell all my aunts and uncles and cousins and neighbors and every one else. She is quite the gossip queen. She never could keep her big trap shut and thats why she has been married so often and that is why half of her family avoids her like the plague. I am not her only son that avoids her. But I digress. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story and you lift me up and give me hope. Your since of hummer just bubbles over and I haven't even met you yet. You remind me of my good friend Tony who passed last year from liver failure. One of the few friends I had that wasn't HIV+ and I lost him anyway.

Hi Steve friend,

I don't enter these discussions since I don't share with you all this particular illness. But I empathize greatly. Steve friend, you are very courageous, & loving, & fun. It is well with my soul to have met you & to keep meeting you--and Troy, & Eros, & Matt, & Jeanne, and on and on into the community of loving people emerging on this web site. Thank you so much for sharing your self.

Cheers, love, joy, peace, & slainte,

Tam/Tom

You, my friend, have a big heart. And I sweet soul. I cant wait to break bread with you and everyone...so what if you don't have HIV, this is about empathy as well and your empathy and sympathy are exquisite. It just goes to show that you are a genuine human rights activist in your own way. RIGHT ON TAM/TOM. You are what all straight folks should strive to be.
Peace & Love, Slainte,
Steve

I've just been perusing the topics and came upon this one which has stopped me in my tracks.

I was born into such a fundamentalist, biggoted family that I was never really sure why I NEVER agreed with them, secretly. I have always had gay friends - which my deceased father promised me that I was going to hell for associating with them - and have always taken their side in any discussion/argument. I know, without a doubt, God was preparing me for Andrew, my gay son. He found Dwight and me in the whole wide world and gave us this precious gift. Don't get me wrong........as a Mother I have good days and then there are horrible days when I read that someone was killed because of their sexual orientation. God also gave me the guts and big mouth to speak up for the the ones of us who have no voice.

You see I was molested, by Mother's brother, when I was a little girl and EVERYONE has kept his secret all these years. No one stood up for me or took my side - you shouldn't have to take the side of a 3 year old - and he is now an elder of his church. I feel like "Stands With A Fist" in Dances With Wolves...........does anyone want to take me on?????????? I told Mom last week, when I stayed with her, that I'll never provoke the topic with him, but if he talks about "queers" again, I'll fix it where he will have to leave town. I wonder what his congregate would think of their elder being a child molester.

Steve, I can't completely understand your situation but I know it is your choice to tell your truth. I'm sure you would love to SCREAM at the top of your lungs WHO YOU ARE and your illness but Ore City????? I'm thinking not - for safety.

You have this forum and, at last count, 50 people who understand ( at some level) your situation. Re-read Your Front Row in the GLBT in America forum. You can rant and rave to us and we are always here. We may not have the exact same experiences you have had, but everyone of us has warts.

Believe me, we care for you.

Blessings,
Gerry

______________

If we are out to dinner, and you are nice to me but not to our server..........you are not a nice person!

Gerry & Tam - It's great to see you in this forum, and I hope you'll always feel welcome to join in, because your opinions enhance our community and our ability to work through our "issues" (whatever they may be at the moment).

And thanks for sharing your most personal story, Gerry -- because it reminds me that even people with dramatically different histories can still share certain emotions that make possible common understanding and healing.

-- Much love, Troy

gerry, I am sorry for what happened to you. I really am. It just goes to show that we all have our crosses to bare and that as long as we have each other we will be OK. Thank you. And bless you.
Love, Steve